Mariestad, Lake Vänern
Coop with expectations, feelings of loneliness, adjusting to new situations
As well, on a campsite of FirstCamp. Apparently, each of these campsites are structured a little differently, I recognized. In Mariestad you have not been assigned to a specific place, but could choose a spot to camp in the forest yourself. By the way, I never booked FirstCamp very early in advance, but a few days before. Places with tent should always be free somehow. Shade was guaranteed and wind protected as well. To sunbathe, I always had to walk a bit, but for camping with a dog, definitely the better option. Another advantage: the particularly good location to easily use my SUP. At sunset, after a windy day, it was very calm, windless and pleasant for my dog and me to paddle a bit and enjoy the evening sun on our skin. Also worth mentioning the incredibly pleasant silence on the water, far from children and entertainments. Perfectly for taking a deep breath. In the evening, two girls at the reception always offered live music. Was very amusing.
How did I feel during these days regarding solo travel?
Well, to be honest, super nice place and actually nothing to complain about. I have spent the days reading….. in the tent, by the water, in the sun, with a cup of coffee and a fresh avocado with salt and pepper on it. Information that in itself is superfluous, but I just had those flashbacks in my mind.
Now during this stay, especially, I had a few doubts. I suddenly felt strange to be alone on the road, that my data volume was used up and I have no one to talk to (only in my vision) . I was particularly stressed by the fact, that I was constantly looking for meaning and a sense of achievement. That I wanted to use every day meaningfully and have a certain non-existent list of expectations to work off. The doors of the service building also beeped incredibly. If someone is also annoyed by this, do with the information what you want haha. I was completely flooded with stimuli from only lying in the sun and reading (it felt like this). Everything was way too much for me. One day a German family walked past me. Two children. One boy to his parents, who asked him to take a shower soon: “This can’t be true, I’ve had such stressful times and you won’t even let me rest on vacation”. I mean boy, you are maybe 10, is that funny and sweet, or sad?
Perhaps that is precisely the point. One has the feeling of being overstimulated by “doing nothing” or by simple things, because the body and soul have to process past weeks and formative events. Sensations needs to be sorted and insights/own reflections become visible that one would not have obtained in everyday life. These, in return, make it possible to develop further and move forward in life. But in the first moment it is pure helplessness and overwhelm.
I think now, in retrospect, this time, the thoughts, the frustration and doubts were important, because I have changed. During my other following stops I was stronger, more aware and more forgiving. And with some distance now, I am able to better communicate with myself, to find my inner peace and to make myself aware of how special, and not different or unusual, I am. That I am able to overcome myself and live for myself. And most importantly, something that feels so intense and tugs me, with the feeling that it never stops or changes, is going to pass. The gift from the universe: an incredibly strong relief. A deep breath and the chance to become even stronger at the end.
